ok i fine now. 2.5 mg of xnax is kicking in and i feel loopy but ok.

I think I’m going to have a full blown panic attack. I’ve taken 5 xanaxes but my hands wont stop shaking and i have no one to talk to about this shit. I really really really hate my existence. It’s not that i hate myself, i just hate my anxiety. it cripples my ability to enjoy things and live in the moment. i can’t even just have a good time , i can’t ever fucking relax and it;s so fucking exhausting. i just want to do away my feelings of pertetual guilt and not taking everthing so seriously. i feel like i want to die, not in the depressy suicidy way but it’d be so nice just not to feel anything for just one fucking second of my life. just some goddamn reprieve i can’t deal with my shit right now. i want to curl up into a ball and never move. i’m fucking losing my self. i feel fucking crazy. my rational self can’t reconcile my anxiety. What the hell is happening to me.